Blog post 6 : How Clinginess affects relationship?

How Clinginess Affects Relationships?


Clingy partners tend to overdo her/his job as a girlfriend/boyfriend. They become too attached and obsessed that it is too hard on the other side to live their own life.  In my observation, I've seen a lot of scenarios where in the girlfriend played as a clingy lover ends up being hurt or vise versa.  Effects of being clingy depend on how the other side will react. If the other side is mature and understandable enough, she/he will still stick to the clingy lover and just understand how she/he feels. But, if the other side is not that “open-minded” , Clinginess might be the reason on why the relationship will fall apart. Being attached in a relationship too much can be very dangerous.


According to the article “How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship” written by Lisa Firestone, PH.D, It states that there are different ways of being attached. And clinginess falls into the category of Anxious Preoccupied Attachment:


“Anxious Preoccupied Attachment – Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.”


In this matter, Clinginess is the reason why the other partner dumped his/her clingy lover. Well, they just can’t the emotional hunger and attention seeking of the clingy lovers so instead of understanding them, they pushed them away. Sad reality but almost all of the relationships where clinginess is involved ends up with this.

Another thing, based on the article “How Clinginess affects relationships?” written by Mark Banschick, M.D, It states that:


“Clingy people are often in relationships with other insecure people who want to be needed. When one gets better, the other can be thrown off balance. This happens a lot when one person in a relationship commits themselves to getting better. Sometimes, when one person changes it drives their partner forward."


In this case, the couple has their own fault but only the clingy one admits it. The partner takes advantage of the clinginess of her/his lover to complete or to lessen his insecurity. And when he finally got himself together, he will just throw away his/her relationship with the clingy lover like it never happened at all.


Being clingy could be a good or bad thing depending on the perspective of the person who sees it. Well, that’s life. Sometimes, the one who will we fall in love left us but we should not be too affected by

Blog post 5: Clinginess in friendship

The title says it all. Being clingy not just happens on relationship. It can also happen in a friendship.  A Clingy lover can be annoying but what if it is your best friend that is too clingy? What if it is your best friend who bugs you all day? What if it is your best friend who can’t live without you? Will you just dump him/her like with your clingy lover? Well.


According to the article written by Cherie Burbach, entitled “How to handle a clingy friend”, It states that there are certain reasons on why our/your friend is clingy. These are:


·         Personal loss from a death in the family.
·         Recent divorce or breakup.
·         Moving to a new town.
·         Getting a new job.
·         Having their best friend move away.


It is quite self explanatory. Your clingy friend, clings to you because he/she is depressed or sad. He/She might be undergoing a personal loss or a recent break up. They need someone to lean on so they stick to you that much.

According to the same article, these are the following signs that your friend is being clingy:

·         Repeated phone calls and/or emails throughout a day.
·         Panic at having to be alone.
·         A need to find out what you're up to, which may include questions about other friends you are spending time with.
·         Dropping by your house or apartment too frequently (and without invitation).
·         Hesitancy at ending phone calls.
·         Not wanting to go home at the end of an outing.

Having a best friend who is really devoted and loyal is a good thing. It is actually one of the best feeling in the world. But, remember that, being a friend always has its limitation. Maybe you don’t noticed but you’re already over doing it. Give some space, he/she is not your only friend. There are billions of people on our world. Try to mingle and meet another people. Maybe it will lessen your clinginess and if you’re the one who is being clingy with, remember not to say harsh words to them. They are just too engaged with your friendship or maybe they are just too depressed that they a friend to lean on.

Blog post #4 : Why clingy people get dumped?

You met a guy. He is very gorgeous and have those alluring eyes. His humor is captivating and everything about him fascinates you. You guys become friends- special friends in your vocabulary. He made you feel special. And then you suddenly become too attached. You texts him first. You always want to be updated on everything he does. And then one day, He stopped seeing you. You asked yourself,: "Why did he dump me?"

Clinginess is one of reasons of break ups moreover it is also one of the reasons on why romance between two people dies before it blooms. It is believed Men prefer independent women than clingy ones. It was said that they enjoy dating those who are not much into relationship that those who are devoted in romance. 

In the article "Why Men Hate Dating Clingy And Needy Women"  The writer states that: 

"To be fair, it’s normal to feel a little insecure when you first start dating someone because the relationship’s status is so up in the air, but there is something called quiet insecurity.  When you start letting it show on the surface, and acting it out on your partner then that may lead the relationship to fail"

I agree on what he said, when you're just starting a relationship, it is much better to control your attachment issues. Who will like someone that is more updated with his every action like his own world? Who wants to date someone who is very dramatic when you forgot to text her just once? Who wants to be with someone whose life depends on you? 

Men don't want commitment. They go for women who don't attached that quickly. For example is, When they sleep with a woman. A woman who is very clingy, doesn't sleep with a man over a drink. She'll think first if this man is capable of marrying her and raising her children. Yes, Clingy   woman thinks too advanced. Hence, If a clingy woman sleep with a man, the clinginess starts. 

According to the article "5 Signs You're Clingy" written by Isabella Snow. 

Insecurity is at the heart of clinginess, so if you're experiencing this one, you need to think about why. It's this fear that makes you want to constantly be around the other person, so you can reassure yourself that they are still there and haven't dumped you.

If you don't want to be clingy, then have confidence in yourself. No one wants to date someone who doesn't value and love herself. You have to stand on your own and avoid being depending too much on others.

Mr/Ms.Clingy, If you don't want to get dump, then do yourself a favor - try to live your life for your own. Value yourself more than you value them. Send them text messages not essays. Call them once but not always. Care for them but don't act as if you're his mother. Don't invest too much time on them! Try other activities not related to them! 

You don't want to get dumped and be left? then stop clinging so much. Remember that, "Intimacy can be a gift and a curse". 

Blog post #3 : Is being clingy, good or bad?

“Am I being Clingy?” My friend once asked me this question way back in high school. She was having a hard time dealing with her boyfriend. She keeps on complaining about their relationship and how things work between her and him.  She was very dramatic about he ignores her text messages and how he talks to other girls. Being a supportive friend as I am, I told her that maybe he needs a space. Maybe she was being too clingy. But, after I said that statement, a question popped into my mind. Why do we have to worry if we’re being too clingy? Is being Clingy, a good or bad thing?

I’m a clingy person. Does that make me a bad lover? Well, in the article entitled “"Clingy" Communication: A Practical Application of Watzlawick’s Cybernetic Theory of Relationships” written by Kailey Nash in his thesis; Human CommunicationTheory.

"the behavior of each person affects and is affected by the behavior of each other person"

Meaning, a person's action is a result of her/his reaction to the other person's action. To make it simple it means that, when you're being too clingy, there is also a problem within the other side. In a relationship, it takes two to work out therefore it is not only your fault that you're being clingy.

PRO's and CON's of being clingy.

Pro's. When you are clingy, your partner can easily feel how much you love them. You continuously shows them your affection and love. It shows how much that someone appreciate you not only as a person but also as the half of her/his heart. They are also very loyal and faithful to their partners, you can count on him/her for honesty in the relationship. They also invest all their time in you. You feel like your the most special person in their life.

Con's. The attachment is too much that it becomes too annoying. You don't have any time for yourself anymore. The privacy isn't there anymore. The clingy partner tends to depend every little thing on their partner. They can't do anything on their own. They also get jealous easily that leads to misunderstanding or worst?-- break up.

Showing your love to your partner isn't a wrong thing as long as you know how to limit yourself. Being clingy isn't bad because you show someone how much you value them but you also have to consider their feelings. Are you over doing it or what? It takes two for a relationship to work out. You have to keep in mind that in every action there always be a reaction. 

Blog post 2 : The story behind clinginess

In the previous entry, I have discussed on what is being clingy all about.  Clingy are those people who become too depended and needy of their partner.  And if we will base this on movie, Clingy people will always be the annoying character to watch. I mean, they are too irritating to watch because they are too needy and obsessed that made them the least favorite characters (in their own point of view).

In my opinion, example of an obsessed and clingy character is the famous Isabella Swan of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight. Bella is too engrossed with her love with Edward. She would do anything for him. She would even give up her humanity just to be with him forever. And also, Bella’s reaction when Edward broke up with her is over rated. Come on, would a normal girl try to kill herself just because her love of her life left her?

But like in the every book, there are several reasons on why people become who they are today. Each and every one of us has our own story.

People don't cling just because they want to. Of course there will be a reason behind that. In the book entitled "The Intelligent Divorce: Clingy Intimacy" written by Mark Banschick,M.D, he states that : 

    "Many of us become afraid that if the person we are intimate with leaves, they will never return. We are afraid that if our partner talks to a member of the opposite sex, that all is over. And, this is all in the context of a relationship in which you truly feel loved. It makes no sense because neediness is less often about the present, and more often about the past. It has its origins in childhood."

Perhaps, clingy people loves attention so much because in their childhood they were the invisible and concealed child of the family. Maybe because their sister/brother is smarter or more attractive than them. They feel like they weren't good enough. Past experiences trigger their present relationship. The memories from the bad childhood made them to cling to things they value so much. That's why they find someone that will love them they tend to encircle them with their love -- too much that it's suffocating.

I experienced that myself. I grew up being the less loved child in the family. I found the comfort in my friends and my ex boyfriend. That's why I've been too attached with them than with my family. But unlike the others, I know how to control my clinginess. I know when and how to let go of someone that is not supposed to be in my life after all. 

    

Another possible reason of someone's clinginess is because they've been hurt in the past.  They experienced how depressing it is to be left so they put on their very best so that the new guy/girl will never leave.The irony, of course, it that the more you worry, the more he or she can't stand it.The more you hold one, the more he/she tries to escape.  

A Clingy person believes that happiness only comes from their "someone". They cling them because they made them happy. They believe that "only their lovers can make them happy". 

Clinginess is reflection of someone's fears and insecurities. When you think that your partner is being too clingy, confront them properly. Don't be too harsh on them cause It will just open deeper wounds. Remember that, Clingy people are not aware of what they are doing unless you'll told them so. 

Clingy people are sad and depressed. They cling so much because they love to feel loved. You, as a partner, should love them at least the way they love you.